Thinking a bit lately...

"If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn beween a desire to save and savor the world. And this makes it difficult to plan the day." --E.B. White

The Peace Corps seminar director back at my initial orientation meeting in Philadelphia offered this quote to the newly gathered group of Peace Corps volunteers. The idea has really resonated with me lately; and I have come to enjoy my role as a PCV even more with this sense of serenity.

As I have mentioned before, I have struggled in the first few months in Ruse accepting the idea that I would be working at a school with priviliged students (relatively speaking) in a huge city (relatively speaking) that could and most certainly would go on existing the same way without me in it. How was I supposed to satisfy my desire to 'save the world?'

But the more I harped on this fact, the more it got under my skin. Until a week or so ago when I was looking back through a journal of mine and saw this quote I had taken down back in Philly. It was unbelievable when I read it because it spoke to me so strongly now (much more than when I was back in Philly during April '07).

'Savoring my world' is something I have not been doing enough. Certainly I have had some amazing opportunities since I have been in Bulgaria, and I have done some great things with some great people. But I realized I have not done enough savoring.

In class the other day my class started getting loud. Before Christmas Break, I probably would have raised my voice, told them to quiet down, and I would have become agitated for at least the rest of the class if not the rest of the school day. But with the idea of 'savoring' at the forefront, I simply smiled. I mean lets be honest, all they were doing was joking around. No one was getting hurt and no one was being ugly to anyone else. They were simply being carefree, fun-loving students. I realized I should feel lucky to have the opportunity to teach such warm people. Feeling miserable because they don't always want to learn English with the focus of an adult is self-destructive and unneccesary.

I am learning Bulgarian, meeting amazing people, helping really fun students, all while truly growing as a person; what is there not to savor?

So, I've had this thought of the save/savor complex with me for the past few weeks of my life and it really has made things more rewarding...and most importantly, more fun!